X, Y, and Z

X-ray glasses - I seriously need a pair of these. Anyone who has a child knows, when it's quiet, it's time to start worrying/panicking. Seriously, if my kid is quiet for longer than a minute, I am up searching for whatever it is she has gotten in to that a) she doesn't want to get caught with, or b) she is so in to playing she makes no sound. A<----This one is more often what it is. I went into my room the other day with a basket full of clean clothes, to find my little princess amid a sea of my books. All of the outer shells had been removed, she was apparently "reading" 4 or 5 of them because they were all open to various pages. I dropped the basket, she jumped and looked very guiltily at me. Then she did what she always does when she knows she's about to get in trouble, she looks at me and smiles as big as she possibly can and says "Hi momma, I lud you". Makes it really difficult to be "reprimandy momma", she's only two and she plays me like a fiddle, I'm screwed. She smiles, I Yield, and am Zapped by the total perfection that is my Lala. Now if I had some x-ray specs, I could be anywhere in the house and see exactly what she is doing. No more books and dvd's on the floor. No more picking up EVERY crayon in the house 3 million eleventy-seventeen times in a day. Ah how nice it would be to know that Strawberry Shortcakes little plastic ass is waiting for me like a land mine somewhere between my door and my bed at midnight. And wouldn't you know, no matter where she is (or they are, because she has them ALL), I always step on her, or one of her little friggin friends. So yes, x-ray specs, if you find some please let me know. I could seriously use them.


And that friends is the totally anti-climatic end of my involvement in the A to Z challenge. I wish I could say I'm sorry it's over, but I'm not. Lol. I love how it has pushed me as a writer, to think on the fly, but posting everyday is not a feat I am capable of, as evidenced by my falling behind halfway through. But I'm done, I did it, and I can tell you it was fun.......I will not be doing it again next year. Hahahaha

To everyone who visited during this challenge, if I have not already visited you, I will very soon. Love you all, hope you enjoyed the ride!! ;-)

S, T, U, V, and W

Some Tears fall Unending, Varying, but never to Waver

There are some tears in the heart that never mend. There are some things that happen that even time can not heal. I know that seams very pessimistic of me, but for me it is the truth. 

I won't go into the whole story because it would be a book. Fourth of July is one of the saddest days of the year for me. Most people barbeque, and party, shoot fireworks and spend their day oohing and aahing. I generally spend mine with tears and woe. This may seem silly, especially to anyone who has never owned a dog, but I had a dog, the dog, if there is such a thing as a doggie soul-mate he was it. I was there when he and his litter mates were born, I helped get the gunk off of them when their momma couldn't keep up. I helped feed them and raise them to the age that they could go to good homes. But one, he stole my heart from the first. He was the biggest in the litter, and the cutest little pudge-ball you could ever see. He followed me everywhere, and I mean everywhere, I couldn't take a bath without him crying at the door. We had an instant bond. I wasn't really able to have a dog where I was living, my roommate had two already, but man did I fall hard for this little pup. He slept with me, watched out the window if I went somewhere without him. At one point someone expressed interest in him, and decided to take him for the night as a trial run. My poor pup cried all night, and so did I. The man brought him back the next day and said he thought this wonderful pup had already chosen his owner. Me. And so, unable to be separated from me, he became mine. Aries, my boy, my best friend. He would snuggle with me all day when I had to work late nights. He rarely left my side, and no matter where he was or what he was chasing, when I called he came. 

Words can not describe what Aries meant to me. Having him in my life was a blessing. I don't think there will ever be another Aries. I'm not sure you have that type of bond twice in a lifetime. 

Several years ago, after my ex and I had broken up, Aries was staying with him. My ex had Aries brother Ryver, my other little buddy, and they were happier together. I made a difficult choice and let him go. I could visit anytime and I wanted what was best for my pup. I didn't visit enough, it was difficult, and I let discomfort keep me away for far too long. One fourth of July some kids in the apartment complexes behind where my ex lived were shooting off fireworks. One of them landed on the top of the building and it caught fire. The boys were sleeping in the bedroom, and my ex was out talking with his cousin. When my ex realized what was happening he ran and broke in through the front window (very large, thick window), risking his life to save our babies. It was too late. The fireman had to drag my ex out of the building. The paramedics say that it just got so hot that they just quit breathing. That they didn't wake up and felt no pain. The thought of them panicking eats at me still. So on Fourth of July I lost my two best little friends, my sons, and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about them. There is a hole in my heart that I believe will never fully heal from the loss. My heart cries for them.

So some tears are shed for a lifetime, sometimes varying in the strength of the grief, but never wavering, never diminishing. Some tears fall unending......

I realize I totally cheated by using one post for all of these letters, but I am determined to finish this challenge whatever it takes. I imagine they probably already booted my ass off the list, but I am still going to see it through.I have been in school and working 6-7 days a week the passed few weeks and studying for an exam, please forgive me for flaking out on this whole thing a bit.

 

Religion is......

Religion is sometimes a controversial topic. Religion is sometimes used as an excuse to do unthinkable thing. Religion helps lift people up, having faith can get people through tough times. Religion is what you make it, it is what you need it to be.

I debated with myself over whether to write this post or not, but I am trying to use this Challenge for personal growth, in my writing as well as in myself, and taking a small trip outside my comfort zone is necessary for that I think. I do not push my beliefs on others, I never have, and while you may not believe the way I do I will never ever try to discredit you for it. Who am I to say what is right and what is not? I'm not, and I never will be. So please keep that in mind when commenting, I know for some it is hard to not try to "convert" someone to the way you believe, but I truly don't believe any one religion has gotten it all exactly right.

I am not a Christian, or a catholic, Lutheran, protestant, or really any of them. My faith is different. I have studied many, many different religions. I find great peace in Buddhism and Taoism, I enjoy much of the Wiccan faith as it is very nature based and I find a lot of truths in it. I am not saying I haven't done research on Christianity or Catholicism, I have. My best friend is Catholic, it works for him. It just doesn't work for me.


So lets get down to the nitty gritty of the post, I am in a quandary. As I have said in previous posts, Lala's "father" is wanting to begin having a presence in her life. This is ok, well it will be once I have had more time to process and it actually happens (because we all know I would go to the ends of the earth to do what is best for my girl). Here's my issue: While he was in jail, he found Jesus, or religion, or whatever you want to call it, he had a revelation. That is great, I am all for whatever support he needs and can use to be the person he needs to be, but, (and this I'm sure will piss somebody off) I don't want him pushing all of that into my girls head. Period. There is no negotiation on the subject. When she is a bit older I will take her to the different places of worship, if she wants to go. If she wants to follow in Mommies footsteps that's great too. I will never push her one way or the other. That is something that I didn't have the luxury of growing up. I knew my heart and I knew my beliefs, I have been studying different faiths since I was around 10. I was forced to attend different churches and sit through things that (no offense) just didn't resonate with me. When I was old enough I began to do what I felt was right. I don't talk on it often, partially because I think I was trained to think that how I believe is something to feel embarrassed or shamed by, and also, when I have opened up it hasn't always ended well. People are intimidated by it (not sure that is the correct word), they fear what they do not understand, and I have been ostracized by people I cared about. So I became very tight lipped about my beliefs and faith. I am slowly (hello sharing on the Internets) realizing that I have nothing to feel shame over, I am an individual, and as such am able to make my own decisions. And that is how I want to raise my daughter, I want her to be independent and confident enough in herself to make her own choices about faith, about life, and about who she wants to be. I will provide her with the best moral compass I can, I will teach her that love is unconditional and differences don't matter. I will raise her to believe in herself and make her own decisions. My worry is that this is going to be a rough conversation to have with her "dad", and I refuse to allow him to push his beliefs on her, or brain wash her (for lack of a better term) into thinking his faith is the only acceptable one.

Any advice lovelies? I know that most of my readers go to church and I think that is great! I hope you will be understanding that I don't.

The Quest

I really enjoy this poem, I feel like life is a quest. An ever changing, sometimes hard and steep, sometimes smooth and easy. Speaking for myself, my quest is knowledge, stability, and to be the best parent I can be. I truly hope my need for these things never diminishes, that though the journey can sometimes be rough, the lessons learned are invaluable. I hope I never stop growing as a person or a parent, there is always something to learn, always a better way of doing things, and always someone who knows it better than you to ask for advice. :-) 

 The Quest by Aleister Crowley

A part, immutable, unseen,
Being, before itself had been,
Became. Like dew a triple queen
Shone as the void uncovered:
The silence of deep height was drawn
A veil across the silver dawn
On holy wings that hovered.

The music of three thoughts became
The beauty, that is one white flame,
The justice that surpasses shame,
The victory, the splendour,
The sacred fountain that is whirled
From depths beyond that older world
A new world to engender.

The kingdom is extended. Night
Dwells, and I contemplate the sight
That is not seeing, but the light
That secretly is kindled,
Though oft-time its most holy fire
Lacks oil, whene'er my own Desire
Before desire has dwindled.

I see the thin web binding me
With thirteen cords of unity
Toward the calm centre of the sea.
(O thou supernal mother!)
The triple light my path divides
To twain and fifty sudden sides
Each perfect as each other.

Now backwards, inwards still my mind
Must track the intangible and blind,
And seeking, shall securely find
Hidden in secret places
Fresh feasts for every soul that strives,
New life for many mystic lives,
And strange new forms and faces.

My mind still searches, and attains
By many days and many pains
To That which Is and Was and reigns
Shadowed in four and ten;
And loses self in sacred lands,
And cries and quickens, and understands
Beyond the first Amen. 

I truly am trying to get caught up with the A to Z challenge. My baby girl has been fighting a bad cold for the past week and it has made it very hard to have time to post. I am not quitting, I promise!!!

Procrastination and Players

I was going to do this post on sexual positions but I've made it pretty far in this challenge without offending too many people, so I figured I would stick with it. Maybe I'll grow some nuggets and do it for S.

I am the queen procrastinator. Not in all things and not nearly so badly as I was pre-Lala. It still pops up and says hey every once in a while though. I mean let's be real, I'm pretty sure today is R and I am just now getting P up. I was doing so good too........

Onwards and Upwards for a bit of fun for myself. I couldn't let "P" pass without throwing an ode to all of the Players. You know when they say "Don't hate the player, hate the game", that is total bullshit. Hate the player people, because these are some of the most insensitive, non-caring suckers on the planet, not forever but definitely for that period. We call that the "Payer Period" it's a phase, and most men/women mature and grow out of it. I am an expert on players. I have seriously met every kind of player out there, I am also not just a member, I am president of the fricking club. Yep, that's right, I am a player. I don't always mean to be, but I'm one of those chicks that gets bored, quick. I don't sleep around, that is a totally different kind of player. I am the type that I know 99% of the time that I am perfectly happy with the way life is, and then I'll get that "I'm lonely" feeling (happens to the best of us). So I meet someone, we talk, date a bit, and before you know it I feel like I'm suffocating. As I said in my earlier post, I don't have time to care about how you feel. I will distance myself, stop texting/calling, and just slowly cut ties. I am the unintentional player. I know it, I avoid situations where this situation may take place, or try to. I don't like hurting people, but I am also not a fake it type either. I won't stay in a situation where I am unhappy, been there done that, didn't even get a t-shirt. Some examples of the "other" players, just in case you haven't run into one, and do in the future.


The Playboy: Generally met in a bar, maybe sober at first, doesn't stay that way usually. Knows everyone in the place (someone who drinks a lot has no place in my life). Hot, and knows it. Rubs "elbows" with all of the waitresses and clientele. Sweet as can be, says all the right things, you want to believe there's a connection. There's not. Trust me, they aren't going to call you, I know, because I don't call people I met in the bar. You want to meet a nice guy, go to the library.


Mr. Suave: This guy is maybe a bit older than "The Playboy" and knows the game better. He is harder to pinpoint. So be careful. He also says all of those things that you have secretly wanted to hear, and you have met someplace (not the bar) that you wouldn't expect to find a date. This can catch you off guard. He will call you for a few weeks, you will damn near be head over heels, and then just like that.....nothing. Some advice, 9 times out of 10 if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

Those are just two examples, right off the top of my head. Other warning signs that you are dealing with a player: No public outings, can only meet at your place (he either has a GF or is married), it is always late when he calls/texts, and the number one warning sign - you know nothing about him! Ladies, if you stop and think, I mean really think about what you know about this person and you can't even count enough actual facts to tick off on one hand, that's bad.


For you: Have you ever been a player? Even unintentionally, like myself. What other types of players have you come across, and where? Inquiring minds want to know?


This is all my opinion, I realize not all men are players, this post was all I had for "P". :-D

Oh, The hell with it

These words have been popping out of my mouth often lately. Can't get the lid off something, hell with it I'll get something else. Don't feel good enough to do anything with myself and leave the house, hell with it, we'll just play at home. Realize I have walked out of the house with a zip-up on that at some point the sleeve has met it's bitter end at the hands of my kids nose, hell with it, who cares what I look like.......I USED TO. What the hell is happening to me?! I have been having times more often lately that I actually long for the me I was before, maybe not to the extreme (wearing make-up every time I left the house), but caring enough to not leave the house every time looking like that frazzled chick that can't get it together.

I feel like I am being sucked in to a place where it's all frizzy hair and sweat pants, and I haven't even been putting up a fight. I'm thinking that going out and actually realizing how good it felt to be seen as desirable and not just seen as Lala's Mom. Or even just as a mom.

This is all stemming from several things, the more I write the more I realize (blogging is therapeutic). I have been in school since early February, and I have made friends with some of the most wonderful people I've met in a long time. Aside from all of my Bloggy people of course, y'all are the bomb. Anyway, in two of my classes there happens to be one of "those girls", two kids but has the body like she had none, fake boobies, dark hair, blue eyes, you know the one. She's beautiful and just a bit goofy so you really can't hate her her for being beautiful. There also happens to be a good looking guy in the class as well (if you go in for the whole frat guy look, which I find a total turn off), they look good together. My point, finally I know, is that sitting in class one day my new friends and I were commenting on how chummy (slightly inappropriately) they had been in the class the night before. Kind of ore than massaging if you catch my drift, to each his own though, if you can get away with it and don't mind an audience I guess (kind of skeeved me out). Anywho, one of the girls made the remark that "we" had nothing on the gorgeous girl. I think I may have gotten whiplash with the incredulous look I gave her. Did she just say we? I'm not a "we", am I? Aww shit, when did I let that happen? How could I let that happen?

I used to be very pretty, like if I wasn't so ridiculously panicky in front of people I actually had a few offers to model. Some legit, some not so much, you know how it goes. What I'm saying is that when I was young I was "That Girl" minus the kids, and I had no idea that I was her. Part of me wishes I had, the other part is really really glad I didn't and that I avoided the inevitable chaos. Point being, how do I get just a little closer to "that girl", is it even possible or has my hayday passed me by.

Any of you other mommies and daddies out there struggle with this? Maybe that's why people have mid-life crisis stuff, maybe I'm having mine early. Hmmmm......doe that mean I can act like a child and do whatever I like? Probably not.....oh well, was a nice try.

PS. Please don't forget to mail me your suggestions for "Word a Week". Yes Cari, I promise "Bahookie" will be in there. :-) Cause it makes me giggle too.

No, I won't have sex with you

I can't tell you how many times I have said these words. Especially since having my daughter. They come out of my mouth without thought most of the time. Very few people have actually been "allowed" into my little bubble. I have always known that aside from the very few people I have allowed get close enough to me to build friendships, they are forever friendships. Once you've been let in, I will pretty much lay my life down or you, that's the type of friend I am. Also if you have gotten close enough to me to be a "forever" part of my life, you must be good people.

Now to the point I was trying to make with the title. I met someone on Saturday. I actually went out for a bit (holy crap! I know). He was very good looking, had been in the service (always scores points if you have served), and we hit it off really well. As the night wore on, liquor was consumed, my judgement hazes just a tad when drinking is involved and I know it so I generally stick with whomever I came with and be good. I was good, I stuck with my friend, mostly. Hottie caught me alone a few times, we chatted and stuff. We ended up exchanging numbers, cool cool.

 Hottie texts me after I get home (it is incredibly late, I am buzzed and exhausted). We text back and forth a bit, I have apparently made an impression because he wants to see me now. "Want to cuddle?" he says. My response " Please don't misunderstand but you can't come over, and I will not be having sex with you". I think surely this is the end of it, I'm already thinking he's a player (I'm a bit jaded, what can I say). My phone ding dings about 3 minutes later, no kidding I had already peeled down and crawled in bed, "Just cuddling, no sex" he says. So here it is ladies, and this isn't directed at all men, but seriously do these guys think we are idiots!? Do women actually buy that line? I didn't. I didn't respond, shut the stupid phone off and went to bed.

I wake up to a few texts from him, all figuring I must have fallen asleep. Nothing creepy you know. But for real, I let him know I have a child, does he really not get why he can't come over? Maybe it's because he doesn't have kids, or the fact that I do isn't a big deal to him. I don't know but each time he texts I have had to find polite ways to put him off. It's not that I don't want to get to know him, it's just that it won't be happening at my house. You don't get to know where I live until I know you aren't crazy.

To be honest most people of the male variety have about a 2 week shelf life with me. I don't get too close, we don't meet the family, you don't meet my kid (I have friends that haven't met her), and when you stop amusing me I pretty much am done. I realize how bitchy that sounds, it's not like I have sex with them, it's just nice to have someone to hang with. The newness of it all is nice, but I have no plans of a relationship anytime soon, and 2 weeks seems to be a good expiration date for when the newness starts to turn into expectations and relationshipiness, no thanks.


This post was more of a ramble, sorry. For You: Do you have dating guidelines, certain things that absolutely, non-negotiable don't happen?

Mother Theresa

This will be the third time I have tried to post this, and let me just say the third time better be the charm or it's three strikes and Blogger is out. I realize it's free but jeez-o-peets could it at least be semi-reliable?!

I had a much more in depth post about this amazing woman, then the second time it was slightly less in depth, and this time I am sad to say I am too irritated to do much waxing poetic about what a true wonder Mother Theresa was. I am not a religious person, I am spiritual in how I believe, and I imagine I will break into that topic at some point in this challenge. But not being a religious person does not make Mother Theresa any less inspiring to me. What an unbelievable woman, selfless, giving, wise, and such a beautiful soul. I will always strive to emulate people such as her, throughout my lifetime. She made a difference, and she did it every day, because she was love, and light, and in my opinion she embodied so much of what is right in this world. I challenge you to take a moment out of your day and make a difference, big or small, it doesn't matter. Try to effect change. Be an inspiration to someone, give freely of yourself or your time even though you may be tired. You just never know when it may make all the difference. So in the words of one of the most inspiring people I can possibly think of:

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.

Life is beauty, admire it.

Life is bliss, taste it.

Life is a dream, realize it.

Life is a challenge, meet it.

Life is a duty, complete it.

Life is a game, play it.

Life is costly, care for it.

Life is wealth, keep it.

Life is love, enjoy it.

Life is mystery, know it.

Life is a promise, fulfill it.

Life is sorrow, overcome it.

Life is a song, sing it.

Life is a struggle, accept it.

Life is tragedy, confront it.

Life is an adventure, dare it.

Life is luck, make it.

Life is too precious, do not destroy it.

Life is life, fight for it.
  

Life is precious and will always be worth fighting for, never forget that!!!

Keep going

As I said in yesterdays rambling, things have begun to get a bit (totally) overwhelming. I found this poem by someone I have honestly never heard of, but it was quite beautiful and I wanted to share. And yes the "Know" in the title absolutely counts as my A to Z challenge K.

All you Need to Know


Living in a fantasy of yesterday’s dreams,
while hope for tomorrow fades from sight,
caught in the fast pace of earthly scheme,
unable to distinguish the wrong from right.

Misguided perception often leads our way,
in this land dominated by power and greed,
survival is trying to make it through the day,
consumed with want and desire without need.

In the crossroads of life we must choose a path,
decisions made are cast in stone to forever last,
truth and consequences brings unwanted wrath,
for what we did or didn’t do will haunt our past.

We attempt to escape through mindful illusion,
which only brings us short term peace of mind,
life is a struggle caught in unsettled confusion,
each step of the journey we learn from the past.

Life is a spiritual quest of our body and soul,
which takes us wherever the wind will blow,
our trials and tribulations have a price, a toll,
the meaning of love it is all you need to know.


Samuel E. Stone, Copyright© 2012, All Audience 

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did when I read it. It kinds of speaks to me and where I am at in life right now. Terribly sorry for the "poetry cop-out" but the business of today made it very difficult to sit and formulate a personal post. Though I am hoping to post an original poem sometime during this whole challenge thing. I have sat down to write and been blocked by the goings on. It will come when it wants, that is just the way of it.  If you have commented and I haven't been by I apologize, I am swamped, I will make it to comment and follow you as soon as I have a little free time! Thank you all for all of your wonderful comments and encouragement, it is truly keeping me going!!!!

Just go with it

Just go with it

Some days you just have to go where the words take you, this post was going to be all about my two cohorts and I kidnapping Norman Reedus (with the Boondock Saints accent of course), Dane Cook because he is kind of hot and can be funny when he isn't being a jackhole, and perhaps Kevin James (the man may not be much to look at but he is funny as shit). Then the day went on and my brain took me other places so just go with it please.

There have been a lot of things, some important some not so much, bouncing around in my head the past several weeks. I have been feeling overwhelmed by school, even though I love it, by work (because my boss truly is the weirdest person I have ever met), and by life in general. I have been feeling inadequate in a lot of ways. Like I'm not measuring up, not to anybody else's standards, but to my own. This a long with a plethora of other things has been weighing on me. I feel itchy, you know that feeling you get when you are ready to get going but your life just isn't quite there yet. So I pace, a lot, and I feel out of sorts. I want to be through school, I want to have gotten aces in everything, I want to have a thriving business. I crave these things, but life at the moment just isn't ready for these things, perhaps because it knows I am not ready for all of those things, even though it feels as though I am. I am hoping that this "feeling" passes, and I can settle a bit. I have decided to just relax and go with it.

Something else that has not only been weighing on my brain but also my heart, is financial crap. Any single parent out there, and a good deal of non-single parentals know exactly what I mean with the financial "aww shit, how am I going to make it to payday". Well friends I'm NOT making it to payday, and this is a major problem. So it is with great unrest, because I love you all (all 3 of you that actually read my blog), and I don't want to disappoint you. But momma's got to pay the bills, and hard as I try, Integrity apparently doesn't have much monetary value. I have never been a give-away blog (no Christina, your give-away doesn't count cause it's funny as shit), or a review blog (not sure who would want to sponsor anything on my wittle bitty blog anyway. But apparently there is......shocking, I know. I feel kind of like a sell-out, I do, but here in the near future there may be popping up the occasional sponsored post. I apologize, but I gots to pay the bills. I hope you will still love me in the morning. Just go with it, please. :-)

In other news, once this whole A to Z Challenge is done I will be starting a word a week Blogapalooza. I realize that I truly do need something to keep me on this blogging track, because I have so enjoyed the evolution and feeling of writing so much. I will be setting the first word a week or so after the challenge ends (I will need a break) on a Friday, and I will have the post up by the next Friday, with the next weeks word. It will be any word, I may just throw darts at the dictionary, who knows, and the posts will be all over the place I'm sure. How that word makes me feel, what I think when I hear it, or even what it means to me, depends on the darted word I guess. If anyone is interested in taking part in the fun, a weekly post WILL NOT be mandatory, you can jump on and off the train whenever you like, please email me with any word ideas you may have that you think would be fun bloggy words, and if you might be interested in taking part. Even if you don't participate you can send me suggestions (please do). I will have a badge made up closer to time. I think it will be fun, so pass the word if you like.

If I ruled the World - I'm Batman

This post is for the humor, please don't read it and think I'm a sadist. I mean I kind of am, but this really is just for fun.

 I have the kind of Dad that people dream of having. He is quite possibly the coolest, most amazing person I have ever known. Me and my dad are a lot alike, in temperament, sense of humor, and we have some really deep discussions. The kind that if an average anybody walking by heard them they would probably wonder what the hell was wrong with us. Or more than likely think "wow, I have just been in the presence of awesomeness", because we are awesome.


A few weeks ago we had a conversation that was so funny I had to share. 


The conversation began with the fact that Detroit is headed downhill fast, I mean they are running out of money, or have already I'm not really sure. I said something to the effect of not liking to drive in the seedier parts of Detroit or it's surrounding seedy suburbs (I don't drive the most reliable car, and these are not places you want to break down in). 


Me: Driving there scares me, I mean you could get car-jacked at a stoplight, and then you'd be all stuck and alone in a bad neighborhood.


Dad: They don't bother "car-jacking" you anymore, they would just shoot you and take it.


And thus the conversation took off. I'm not going to "he said" "she said" that would be a long post, I'm just going to give you the rundown.  We have decided that it would be extremely beneficial to hire like 300 mercenaries to take out all of the big wig drug dealers and murderers, in one night. Can you imagine? In one night wiping out the main source of terror and corruption. And let's be real, why aren't these people considered terrorists and treated as such, they terrorize the good people every day. Then the 300 mercenaries morphed into 300 mercenaries dressed like Batman, yep, cause nothing is scarier to criminal types than a big bad-ass Batman showing up to do some justice.

SCARY MO-FO

 Then all of the smaller criminals would start freaking out that "Batman" must be real, because really who's going to believe that there were 300 people dressed as Batman. No I think it's more likely that their little guilt-riddled minds would think it was just one big bad mama-jamma.

We decided that there should be a committee to decide who to loan our mercenaries out to next, they would have to be some serious red, white, and blue blooded people, super pro-America. No corruption allowed.

I think this is why I would never get voted in to office of anything. That's why it would all have to go down in one night, that way if I ever was elected Governor or some such, it would all be done before they could recall it and boot me out of office. The government is so worried about terrorists in other countries, I want to know why they don't focus on the ones we have right here on American soil. If you sell drugs to kids, you're done. If you murder someone, you're done. If you touch a child, you are tortured, and then you are SO done. The police have lists, names, cell phones, addresses. It can be done.

So friends if you ever read this in the paper:

I was at your house all night......k?



If you ruled the world, even for one day, what would you do with the power given to you?? Would you be Batman?

Holidays are Hard and I'm a Hypocrite

First of all I would like to point out that I used not one, not two, but three words that start with the letter of the day. I'm doing the funky chicken as we speak, why you ask, because in my world, which is the coolest of all when it wants to be (other times it's a real bitch) that totally means I get a triple letter, triple word score worth at least 6,000 points (don't ask about my math, it's Angel's world and that's just how we do things here) which means I should totally get the next 4 or so days off, right? No? Well shit, if I'd have known that I wouldn't have thought all day on such a bomb diggity title. I went there.

Anywho, onward and upward with today's fabulous post. Holidays suck when you're single. And I don't mean mildly like "aww look what what's his nuts got what's her face. Wish I had someone like that". No no friends, I am talking the full on, maybe I should just take my kid and live in Siberialaska, all alone so I don't have to see shiny happy, loving, couples ever, ever again. Did I mention never ever. Oh and here's where the Hypocritical me comes out. I don't want to be in a relationship, I mean I know people say that but deep down they are all ooey gooey and just want that special someone to "complete them'. This is decidedly not me, trust me, when I say I don't want a relationship, I really and truly don't want a relationship. No kidding. I have known for a while that maybe, just maybe my OCD behind just isn't relationship compatible, maybe I missed an "I give a shit what you think" update along the line or something, who knows. What I do know is that for me to actually give a rats bahookie what you think, it takes work. Work that, honestly, not only do I not have time for but really just don't care to make the time for. So I am a hypocrite, I guess the first step is admitting you have a problem. I don't want to worry about someone's "feelings" or what they would think if I did whatever it is I'm planning on doing, which by the by I would probably do anyway because I am just that chick. On that note though, and this is quite possibly the most ridiculous feeling I have ever had, ever, I crave something that I don't even want. How messed up is that? To want someone to put you first and do special stuff for you, but at the same time just not want it at all. I kill me.

My dating ad would probably read something like this:

Wanted: Gorgeous, well-built man, 6'1 or taller. Dark hair, light eyes. Open to sleeping in a separate bed, because I don't particularly like to share my space. Sex when I want, if you bug me about it trust me I can go longer than you (and if your not a freaking stallion, don't even bother). If you're needy stop reading now, emotionally unstable you stop reading too (two emotionally unstable people together, bad combo). If you made it this far, hey good for you. Must have a car, a full time job, and seriously, no mommy or daddy issues - instant deal breaker. If you fit this, and I mean all of it, please call - 555-555-5555. If not oh well, maybe there's a clingy chick waiting by the phone for ya.


See what I mean, I'm better off just being single, I think it's safer for everyone. Hope you had a good Monday. Stay tuned for tomorrows A to Z Challenge post.....If I Ruled the World. Trust me you don't want to miss this one. :-)

Happy Easter friends!!

We have today off from the A to Z challenge and I really had planned to stay as far away from my blog as possible but I don't want to lose the motivation or the momentum.

Don't tell anybody but I have had a second or two of panic a few times today when the thought hit me "oh crap, don't forget to make time to blog today!". Then I would calm and remember it was Sunday and I didn't have to do anything :-D it's nice to blog because I wanted to today and not because I was afraid the A to Z Challenge police were going to come get me. ;-)

So Happy Hoppy Easter to you all, I hope you all have a wonderful day!!!

Greatness

First I would like to say, this is my 100th post!! Woot Woot!!

When I was young someone told me that I was destined to "do great things". At the time I didn't really understand. I was young enough that greatness generally meant fame or money, or both. I was old enough though to understand that greatness was an amazing thing, but I didn't fully understand why this person would think I was to do great things. Growing up I never thought much of myself, it was/is something I still struggle with. I don't look in the mirror and think "Oh my, you are stunning", I don't wake up and think "today I will change the world. Usually my first thought in the morning is the same thought I had almost my entire childhood, "just five more minutes" right before I close my eyes and sleep for another ten. :-)

As I have grown, matured, had a child, the meaning of greatness has taken a more solid definition in my mind. Greatness has nothing to do with fame or fortune, it has nothing to do with inventing "the next big thing". Greatness is simple, and we all have the potential for greatness. Greatness to me is having a profound effect on another person or thing. Positively affecting that person, or taking an active role in a cause, no matter if you have money or just time to give. My daughter is, in my eyes, not only destined for greatness she has already achieved it. She has changed my life in so many ways, all for the better, and all extremely profound. I learn about myself everyday I spend with her. The more she grows, the more I grow. She makes me want to be a better person. She gave me the courage to follow my dream, a dream that will undoubtedly lead me to greatness. Not major, headline greatness, but greatness all the same. What I am currently studying, and the techniques I have chosen to specialize in are very specific. The main is to help people, I want to help them so that they can heal themselves, but my specialty will be helping people who live and deal with constant debilitating pain as I have watched my mother suffer for so many years. The kind of pain that keeps you from getting out of bed in the morning, the kind that drives you to depression or worse, the kind that the doctor either tells you it's all in your head (personal experience) or gives you so many pills, with so many side effects that you then have to take more pills to counteract them. That is no way to live.

I plan on volunteering some of my time, once I graduate and have gone through the Oncology massage program, to cancer patients going through Chemo and Radiation. This will be my greatness. Giving of myself, giving of my time, and giving of my heart to help these people lead a happier more pain free life. I have every intention on opening my own Holistic center for better health. I want to offer an alternative to "traditional" medicine. There is a time and place for "traditional" medicine, I truly believe that, I can not mend a broken bone. But I also know that there is a growing place for Homeopathy and Holistic living, and that will be my greatness, that will hopefully be the legacy I leave.

How about you? What is your greatness, big or small? How do you feel about Holistics and Homeopathy? Would you be open to trying an herbal approach rather than just accepting a prescription? I would love to hear your opinions!

My Friends are Hotter than your Friends

Ok, I guess I don't know that like 100%, because, well, I've never met your friends. But I know mine are the best. There were a lot of things I could have blogged about today: Friday, falling behind (because I so am), or following through (because I completely intend to). Honestly though, I could think of no better word for today than Friend. Most of the ones I will mention are the greatest friends I have never met. People I have met in the blogosphere who are absolutely fantastic people. People you want in your corner, need in your corner, and who you want to be those things for too. So here are my friends, my peeps (yep I went there), my partners in crime. Some are new, some I've been talking to for quite some time, but they all have something very special. Here are the best people I've never met:

Momma's that make my day:

Cari - Bubble Gum on my Shoe
@bubblegumcari

This chick rocks! I mean seriously, she is funny, she is kind, and she always responds when I send her a whiny email because I apparently don't have anyone to talk to. Thanks Cari, you have no idea how much I appreciate you. Her blog is not only on my Google homepage but I also get emails when she updates (I have a patience problem, or perhaps I'm a stalker..shh don't tell anyone). Her post never fail to inspire, make me smile, or usually laugh, hard, while I'm at work. Generally though, all of the above. She is a single Momma with two beautiful kids. Her blog is my favorite, and one that even if I haven't gotten an email I will check Google anyway just to be sure. It's that good! And did I mention she's HOT!!!

Christina - Solitary Mama
@Cmajaski

Like Cari, this chick totally rocks. She has snark-tasm down to a fine science. Don't believe me, read this. Don't worry, I'll wait. (Jeopardy music playing) See I told you so. She is one of the most real, blunt, could give a crap less what you think (which is as it should be) people I have ever had the good fortune of "knowing". Her posts are hilarious, her anti-blogger series is my favorite series I've read since I started blogging. And Stupid List Friday takes a close second. Check them out or miss out on some of the funniest shit you will ever read. Warning: If you lack a sense of humor, or otherwise can't take a joke for what it is, this blog may not be for you, just saying. Though I've heard you can buy a sense of humor at Meijer for $1.99 - Worthy investment.


Sue - Sue's Nutrition Buzz 
@ssunithi  

I haven't known Sue for as long as the other two ladies above but I can tell you she is amazing!! I mean you just don't meet people like her anymore. My girl got the flu about a month ago. It was wicked vicious, she wouldn't eat, or drink, and basically all she did was lay around for about a week. We took her too the doc, and was told that pretty much all we could do was keep her hydrated. It is rough to watch your baby be sick and not be able to do anything about it. By day four of her laying around and being lethargic, I remembered that I had a huge resource right at my finger tips that I hadn't even thought of. I sent the call out on Twitter for help. Thanks to Solitary Mama, I was shortly in contact with Sue who, if you couldn't tell by the name of her blog, knows her stuff when it comes to nutrition. If you have ever tried to give your kid pedialyte (sp?) you know it pretty much tastes like butt, but I didn't want to keep giving her gatorade, way too much sugar. Sue gave me some great suggestions, and then wrote a post on how to make yummy pedialyte pops. I made them, chicka loved them, and a few days later, to my surprise Sue took time out of a trip she was on to message me and check in on Lala. It blew me away! She gave me her email for if I ever needed her (so great), and then just last week asked again how Lala was doing. I don't know many people in my real life that are as dedicated as that.

If there were more people in this world like the three ladies above, I think we would live in a better place. Now not to be left out, there are some Daddies I stalk follow fairly regularly, though I don't chat with them as much they are all very unique.

Beard and Pigtails
@BeardPigtails

Here we have a shining example of a daddy doing it right. Beard is down to earth, has for sure one of the cutest little girls I have ever seen, and he posts on a wide range of things. From the outings they have, to the DIY projects he has going on. It's always fun, and most often humorous, especially the pigtailisms. :-) She is a funny, spunky little girl, and I love his blog (even if he only gives her a quarter for allowance, yeesh).


How to be a Dad
 @HowToBeADad

These to guys, Charlie and Andy, are quite possibly the two funniest Dad's on the planet, or at least on the net. Their diagrams, pure awesome sauce. Lets just say reading their blog at work may not be a great idea (besides you're supposed to be working). I crack up every time I read a post, and now they have a YouTube channel! My two favorites of theirs would have to be the "My wife just said" posts, and the diagram posts, both are epic. If you don't know who these guys are, you are missing out.



Those are my top five daily reads, not to say they are the only daily reads, but I really wanted to share them! They are great! Who are your must reads? Do you have any blogs that make you laugh so hard they are dangerous at work...please share. 

P.S.There are so many others I would love to put in here, but as it has taken all day to write this and I am very tired (one of my eyes is literally closed at the moment) they will have to wait for another day. Hope you all have a beautiful Easter. See you again tomorrow for G of the A to Z Challenge!!!!  

 

Edgar Allan Poe

I love poetry, I have since I was very young. Considered too young by most to even understand it, but I did understand it, it spoke to me. It gave me chills, lifted my heart, made me think, made me dream. I love poetry. One of my all time favorite poets has always been Edgar Allan Poe, I mean really everyone at least knows "of" his poetry. I enjoy his work so much that a very good friend of mine got me his complete works for my birthday one year. Oh I was so excited!! It was one of the most thoughtful gifts I had and have ever received (thank you Angie!). So for E in the A to Z challenge I have chosen to spotlight 1 or 2 of my favorites. It will come as no surprise, they are the fairly common ones, I will be sliding in a few of his lesser known works somewhere else in the challenge as well, along with some Robert Frost perhaps. :-)

The Raven

By Edgar Allan Poe

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,

Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore—

    While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,

As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.

“’Tis some visiter,” I muttered, “tapping at my chamber door—

            Only this and nothing more.”

    Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December;

And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.

    Eagerly I wished the morrow;—vainly I had sought to borrow

    From my books surcease of sorrow—sorrow for the lost Lenore—

For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore—

            Nameless here for evermore.

    And the silken, sad, uncertain rustling of each purple curtain

Thrilled me—filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;

    So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating

    “’Tis some visiter entreating entrance at my chamber door—

Some late visiter entreating entrance at my chamber door;—

            This it is and nothing more.”

    Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,

“Sir,” said I, “or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;

    But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,

    And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,

That I scarce was sure I heard you”—here I opened wide the door;—

            Darkness there and nothing more.

    Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,

Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before;

    But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,

    And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, “Lenore?”

This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, “Lenore!”—

            Merely this and nothing more.

    Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,

Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.

    “Surely,” said I, “surely that is something at my window lattice;

      Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore—

Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore;—

            ’Tis the wind and nothing more!”

    Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,

In there stepped a stately Raven of the saintly days of yore;

    Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;

    But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door—

Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door—

            Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,

By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,

“Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,” I said, “art sure no craven,

Ghastly grim and ancient Raven wandering from the Nightly shore—

Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night’s Plutonian shore!”

            Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.”

    Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,

Though its answer little meaning—little relevancy bore;

    For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being

    Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door—

Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door,

            With such name as “Nevermore.”

    But the Raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only

That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.

    Nothing farther then he uttered—not a feather then he fluttered—

    Till I scarcely more than muttered “Other friends have flown before—

On the morrow he will leave me, as my Hopes have flown before.”

            Then the bird said “Nevermore.”

    Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,

“Doubtless,” said I, “what it utters is its only stock and store

    Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster

    Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore—

Till the dirges of his Hope that melancholy burden bore

            Of ‘Never—nevermore’.”

    But the Raven still beguiling all my fancy into smiling,

Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust and door;

    Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking

    Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore—

What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore

            Meant in croaking “Nevermore.”

    This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing

To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom’s core;

    This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining

    On the cushion’s velvet lining that the lamp-light gloated o’er,

But whose velvet-violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o’er,

            She shall press, ah, nevermore!

    Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer

Swung by Seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.

    “Wretch,” I cried, “thy God hath lent thee—by these angels he hath sent thee

    Respite—respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore;

Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!”

            Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.”

    “Prophet!” said I, “thing of evil!—prophet still, if bird or devil!—

Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,

    Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted—

    On this home by Horror haunted—tell me truly, I implore—

Is there—is there balm in Gilead?—tell me—tell me, I implore!”

            Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.”

    “Prophet!” said I, “thing of evil!—prophet still, if bird or devil!

By that Heaven that bends above us—by that God we both adore—

    Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,

    It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore—

Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore.”

            Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.”

    “Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!” I shrieked, upstarting—

“Get thee back into the tempest and the Night’s Plutonian shore!

    Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!

    Leave my loneliness unbroken!—quit the bust above my door!

Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!”

            Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.”

    And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting

On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;

    And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon’s that is dreaming,

    And the lamp-light o’er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;

And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor

            Shall be lifted—nevermore!

A Dream

By Edgar Allan Poe

In visions of the dark night

       I have dreamed of joy departed—

But a waking dream of life and light

       Hath left me broken-hearted.

Ah! what is not a dream by day

       To him whose eyes are cast

On things around him with a ray

       Turned back upon the past?

That holy dream—that holy dream,

       While all the world were chiding,

Hath cheered me as a lovely beam

       A lonely spirit guiding.

What though that light, thro' storm and night,

       So trembled from afar—

What could there be more purely bright

   In Truth's day-star? 

Hope you enjoy them as much as I do! For you: Do you enjoy poetry? Who is your favorite poet?

Dear Serenity

Oh my girl, there just aren't words powerful enough to express what you mean to me and the profound way you have changed my life. Look how far we have come since that first night together.

You were perfect from the very beginning, and you have grown more beautiful with each passing day. Every day you make mommy laugh, and remind me that there is so much more beauty in life than ugliness. You are the heart that beats in my chest

The blood that pumps through my veins

You are silly and the sweetest little girl I have ever seen

You are and always will be Mommies little princess

My dreams for you are very clear, I want you to be happy Baby Girl, no matter what. Dream, always dream, and never let anyone take them away from you. You can be anything you want to be, a doctor, an artist, a million things. Follow your dreams, follow your passions, and mommy will always be there to help you, hug you, and lift you up when you need support.

You are my happy, Serenity, you are my world, you are the best thing in my life. Thank you for coming to me and giving me the privilege of being your momma. I will always work to be the best momma I can be for you, we may have rough times (your teenage years if you are anything like I was) but as long as we have each other Chicka we will make it through. I love you so, so very much!! Never ever forget that!

Call Me Crazy

I was having a conversation the other day with a truly delightful woman, several years my senior, about how different things are even since I was a child. The rash of teen pregnancies, drug use, gang violence, murders, and some other really yucky stuff that makes my heart hurt. She asked my opinion on how I thought on the issue of teens intentionally getting pregnant, or just flat out not having the knowledge to keep it from happening. I told her exactly what I thought, she asked my opinion after all, let's just say she was less than impressed. As I said she is roughly 80 so she grew up in a very different time, perhaps I should have little white lied it. My mom always tells me I am too blunt, I can't help it, I think I was born without that filter. Anyway, back to the matter at hand. She asked specifically if I knew how I would handle it with my own daughter later on down the line(she's only two, thankfully!). In no uncertain terms I told her I knew exactly how I would handle it, I will be talking to her regularly about sex and why she is worth not having sex with anyone, EVER. :-) No but seriously, we will not be having "the talk" just once, we will talk about it many times, and she will know that she can come to me. I also may have said something to the effect of, her first period or 15, whichever comes first, she will be on birth control.

At this point I am sure this woman is having a stroke, her face was pale and she was doing the "clutching her pearls" move.

Her: You are going to condone sexual activity!?!?!

Me: I did not say that.

Her (her voice is steadily rising in pitch): But putting her on birth control is basically giving her the go ahead.

Me (still quite calm): Umm no, that's not at all what it is, to me it is the smartest thing I could do. I was able to talk to my mother, I told her I thought I was ready and she took me that day to get birth control. I didn't have sex for some time after that, but if I had I wouldn't be risking pregnancy. I am not so gullible to think that if she is going to do it, no matter how closely I watch her, she will find a way.

Her: I...I just can't believe you are ok with this, that isn't right.

Me (getting a touch defensive): No, babies having babies is not right, making adult decisions without the proper knowledge to make those decisions is not right, not having an understanding ear to talk to is not right. Me being there for my girl is the most right thing in the world, and as I am her mother, I think the decision on how to raise her and when to discuss these thing is mine. But bet my girl doesn't have a baby in high school, making an already hard time in life almost impossible, thank you very much!

She left very shortly after that, I felt a tiny bit bad, but not really. I will do whatever I have to do to ensure that my daughter has the fullest, most enriched life filled with all possibilities for success that she can have, and while I understand babies are precious, believe me I love mine more than life, there is time for that.....Later.



What are your thoughts? Do you think I am being crazy, or too "progressive"? How will you be handling this when it comes, or how have you handled it already?


This was an A to Z Challenge post for C......stay tuned for more :-) Leave your link to your challenge posts too please, I would love to read them!!
 

The Bridge Builder

This poem gave me chills when I first heard it, I hope you will enjoy it as much as I do. Blogger ate the haha post I had planned for today, which is ok because I couldn't decide which I wanted to post. Blogger helped me make the decision, lol. The funny post will still make an appearance, I will just have to slide it in elsewhere, in I perhaps.  So here is one of my favorite poems, enjoy:

The Bridge Builder

An old man going a lone highway,

Came, at the evening cold and gray,

To a chasm vast and deep and wide.

Through which was flowing a sullen tide

The old man crossed in the twilight dim,

The sullen stream had no fear for him;

But he turned when safe on the other side

And built a bridge to span the tide.

“Old man,” said a fellow pilgrim near,

“You are wasting your strength with building here;

Your journey will end with the ending day,

You never again will pass this way;

You’ve crossed the chasm, deep and wide,

Why build this bridge at evening tide?”

The builder lifted his old gray head;

“Good friend, in the path I have come,” he said,

“There followed after me to-day

A youth whose feet must pass this way.

This chasm that has been as naught to me

To that fair-haired youth may a pitfall be;

He, too, must cross in the twilight dim;

Good friend, I am building this bridge for him!”

Author Unknown

Be a builder, not a destroyer. Be the change you want to see in this world, be the person you want others to see, be the person you want your children to be. Take five minutes and consider another, if everyone did this can you imagine the world we could live in?

Have you been "the bridge builder" for anyone? Irene Gauthier, the founder of the school I am going to, is my bridge builder, sadly she passed before I could meet her, but she provided an amazing place with an amazing atmosphere and the most wonderful people you could ever meet. Thank you Irene, you were an amazing woman!!!

Age of Allowance

 No, I don't mean money. I mean living intentionally, allowing ourselves as parents to focus on ourselves every once in a while. Sounds easy right? As any parent knows, it's not. From the moment my daughter took her first breath my world shifted. There was no more time for my wants or desires, no more thought about where I wanted to be, my entire life and everything in it became focused solely on this little beauty.

Over the past two and a half years I have been slowly realizing that ignoring myself is not a good way to go through life. I still have guilt when I do have some me time, or when I have to work all day and have a late class too. I'm working on it. This year isn't just about me, even though it feels that way sometimes, it's about doing what I have to do to create a better life for both of us. I made a commitment to myself and my girl, to allow myself to do what I have to do to ensure a wonderful life for both of us. I am allowing myself to pursue my passion. To focus on myself and my growth. It took just over two years but I am finally seeing that even though it is hard, putting myself first sometimes isn't a sin. I don't need to feel guilty for going to school (still working on that part), that I should be proud of myself. I work, I go to school, and I mommy like nobodies business. The time that I am away causes me to make the time that I am home that much more meaningful and special. It's not like I am gone for days at a time, but giving up bedtime story snuggle time was/is difficult, impromptu park dates have to be more planned, losing weekends when I have Saturday Sunday classes. It takes a lot, it is tough more often than not, and I miss my time with my girl. Allowing myself to begin building a better life isn't easy, but it is the second best thing that I have ever done. I am proud, I am working my butt off, and I am loving it. I know that for every minute I don't have now, there will be hours later on. Hours of less stress, and more quality time in our lives, a career that will better our lives. It's worth it, I'm worth it.


What are you allowing in your life? Do you do something just for you? Please share.....