No, I won't have sex with you

I can't tell you how many times I have said these words. Especially since having my daughter. They come out of my mouth without thought most of the time. Very few people have actually been "allowed" into my little bubble. I have always known that aside from the very few people I have allowed get close enough to me to build friendships, they are forever friendships. Once you've been let in, I will pretty much lay my life down or you, that's the type of friend I am. Also if you have gotten close enough to me to be a "forever" part of my life, you must be good people.

Now to the point I was trying to make with the title. I met someone on Saturday. I actually went out for a bit (holy crap! I know). He was very good looking, had been in the service (always scores points if you have served), and we hit it off really well. As the night wore on, liquor was consumed, my judgement hazes just a tad when drinking is involved and I know it so I generally stick with whomever I came with and be good. I was good, I stuck with my friend, mostly. Hottie caught me alone a few times, we chatted and stuff. We ended up exchanging numbers, cool cool.

 Hottie texts me after I get home (it is incredibly late, I am buzzed and exhausted). We text back and forth a bit, I have apparently made an impression because he wants to see me now. "Want to cuddle?" he says. My response " Please don't misunderstand but you can't come over, and I will not be having sex with you". I think surely this is the end of it, I'm already thinking he's a player (I'm a bit jaded, what can I say). My phone ding dings about 3 minutes later, no kidding I had already peeled down and crawled in bed, "Just cuddling, no sex" he says. So here it is ladies, and this isn't directed at all men, but seriously do these guys think we are idiots!? Do women actually buy that line? I didn't. I didn't respond, shut the stupid phone off and went to bed.

I wake up to a few texts from him, all figuring I must have fallen asleep. Nothing creepy you know. But for real, I let him know I have a child, does he really not get why he can't come over? Maybe it's because he doesn't have kids, or the fact that I do isn't a big deal to him. I don't know but each time he texts I have had to find polite ways to put him off. It's not that I don't want to get to know him, it's just that it won't be happening at my house. You don't get to know where I live until I know you aren't crazy.

To be honest most people of the male variety have about a 2 week shelf life with me. I don't get too close, we don't meet the family, you don't meet my kid (I have friends that haven't met her), and when you stop amusing me I pretty much am done. I realize how bitchy that sounds, it's not like I have sex with them, it's just nice to have someone to hang with. The newness of it all is nice, but I have no plans of a relationship anytime soon, and 2 weeks seems to be a good expiration date for when the newness starts to turn into expectations and relationshipiness, no thanks.


This post was more of a ramble, sorry. For You: Do you have dating guidelines, certain things that absolutely, non-negotiable don't happen?

Break out the spanx

It's that time of year again, you know that time that as you get older you really don't look forward to. Yep it's birthday time. I went all year without thinking about it and that sneaky bastard snuck up on me when I wasn't looking. This Wednesday I will be 31, ugh, I'm not really sure why but this birthday is hitting me harder than the others. I guess possibly because I'm not where I would like to be in life or maybe I'm just more sensitive about it because getting older sucks. My past several birthdays have just been an absolute ball. Last year I did absolutely nothing special, I worked and then stayed at home in sweats looking a hot mess. The year before that I was a month and a half past having Lala, still carrying all of that glorious water weight and lactating like a bitch. Guess who had to go home early from the first night out in longer than she could remember because let-down is a hooker and she leaked through the pads and into her shirt? Yep, that one was a real party. Honestly the only reason I ever remember my birthday is because someone in my family brings it up.


Mom asks me the other day what I wanted for my birthday. Loaded question much?! See when you're a kid it's easy to answer that question. Had you asked me when I was say 10, I would have gotten that starry-eyed yay free stuff look on my face and named every new toy or gadget that had caught my interest. Now my first thought is "All my debts paid" or "To not be 31 and still trying to scratch a living while single-handedly raising a little", these are my birthday wishes now. Not ooh can I have that Barbie, or a new game for the Nintendo, it's more like can I get through school so I can get a decent good job and live at least comfortably, in my own home preferably. But life is life and we have what we have, have to make the best of it. I think for this birthday I will ask for a night out, oh yes and a truck of liquor, maybe relive some of my past glory days. Then I think about the next morning and having to get up with Lala at the butt-crack of dawn hungover, and I rethink it. Besides, I am not one to stress over things like what to wear, but I have come to realize that a lot of my clothes, the nice sexy ones anyway, are from my pre-baby body, early twenties days. These are I am guessing not necessarily appropriate for women my age. Even though some of them still look pretty kick ass on me. So the question then becomes, if one my age is to go out to say a bar, what is acceptable apparel? Can I show skin? Because let's face it, I love my tattoos and I didn't get them to hide them. Or is there a no skin rule after a certain age? These are of course things I haven't thought about or worried about since getting older as my "outings" have dwindled to maybe twice a year. And that brings up my next point, I never get to get dressed up and look hot, so does that mean I can break some of the 30-something rules?

I hate birthdays, I swear I am cancelling them from here on out. No more birthdays, I will stay where I am for the rest of forever so I don't have to keep having these conversations with myself.

Friends: Do you have any recent birthday stories/memories? I would love to hear them, and your thoughts on the 31 year old dress code wouldn't hurt either. :-)