Tuesday, April 17, 2012

No, I won't have sex with you

I can't tell you how many times I have said these words. Especially since having my daughter. They come out of my mouth without thought most of the time. Very few people have actually been "allowed" into my little bubble. I have always known that aside from the very few people I have allowed get close enough to me to build friendships, they are forever friendships. Once you've been let in, I will pretty much lay my life down or you, that's the type of friend I am. Also if you have gotten close enough to me to be a "forever" part of my life, you must be good people.

Now to the point I was trying to make with the title. I met someone on Saturday. I actually went out for a bit (holy crap! I know). He was very good looking, had been in the service (always scores points if you have served), and we hit it off really well. As the night wore on, liquor was consumed, my judgement hazes just a tad when drinking is involved and I know it so I generally stick with whomever I came with and be good. I was good, I stuck with my friend, mostly. Hottie caught me alone a few times, we chatted and stuff. We ended up exchanging numbers, cool cool.

 Hottie texts me after I get home (it is incredibly late, I am buzzed and exhausted). We text back and forth a bit, I have apparently made an impression because he wants to see me now. "Want to cuddle?" he says. My response " Please don't misunderstand but you can't come over, and I will not be having sex with you". I think surely this is the end of it, I'm already thinking he's a player (I'm a bit jaded, what can I say). My phone ding dings about 3 minutes later, no kidding I had already peeled down and crawled in bed, "Just cuddling, no sex" he says. So here it is ladies, and this isn't directed at all men, but seriously do these guys think we are idiots!? Do women actually buy that line? I didn't. I didn't respond, shut the stupid phone off and went to bed.

I wake up to a few texts from him, all figuring I must have fallen asleep. Nothing creepy you know. But for real, I let him know I have a child, does he really not get why he can't come over? Maybe it's because he doesn't have kids, or the fact that I do isn't a big deal to him. I don't know but each time he texts I have had to find polite ways to put him off. It's not that I don't want to get to know him, it's just that it won't be happening at my house. You don't get to know where I live until I know you aren't crazy.

To be honest most people of the male variety have about a 2 week shelf life with me. I don't get too close, we don't meet the family, you don't meet my kid (I have friends that haven't met her), and when you stop amusing me I pretty much am done. I realize how bitchy that sounds, it's not like I have sex with them, it's just nice to have someone to hang with. The newness of it all is nice, but I have no plans of a relationship anytime soon, and 2 weeks seems to be a good expiration date for when the newness starts to turn into expectations and relationshipiness, no thanks.

This post was more of a ramble, sorry. For You: Do you have dating guidelines, certain things that absolutely, non-negotiable don't happen?


  1. I totally get where you're coming from. Apart from a long distance relationship after my divorce, I haven't really had any romantic relationships in my life, largely, I think, because I was raising my son. He's a senior in high school now and poised to go off to college next year (God willing). I think, though, that I've grown so accustomed to guarding my life that I don't know if it's possible for me to let anyone else in like that. Frankly, I don't even know if I'd want to, or if I could deal with sharing myself or having to answer to anyone, about anything.

    Hmmm...paints a rather grim picture, doesn't it? :-)

    Some Dark Romantic

  2. Well, I don't think I need to tell you where I stand on the issue. Same. Written about it..a lot. I think as a single parent, you need to be more guarded than when you are just single. You have more than just yourself to think about. Does that make you jaded? No. Although I think there will always be some sort of trust issue if trust has been broken previously. I just wrote a post on keyword searches and blogs. Here is one I get OFTEN, "easy single moms". No joke. I think it leads them to my blog because I write about how I hate that stigma. But there are guys searching for that, gross. Scary even. You have a good head on your shoulders, hon. And yeah, pretty sure he didn't just want to cuddle. ;)


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