These words have been popping out of my mouth often lately. Can't get the lid off something, hell with it I'll get something else. Don't feel good enough to do anything with myself and leave the house, hell with it, we'll just play at home. Realize I have walked out of the house with a zip-up on that at some point the sleeve has met it's bitter end at the hands of my kids nose, hell with it, who cares what I look like.......I USED TO. What the hell is happening to me?! I have been having times more often lately that I actually long for the me I was before, maybe not to the extreme (wearing make-up every time I left the house), but caring enough to not leave the house every time looking like that frazzled chick that can't get it together.
I feel like I am being sucked in to a place where it's all frizzy hair and sweat pants, and I haven't even been putting up a fight. I'm thinking that going out and actually realizing how good it felt to be seen as desirable and not just seen as Lala's Mom. Or even just as a mom.
This is all stemming from several things, the more I write the more I realize (blogging is therapeutic). I have been in school since early February, and I have made friends with some of the most wonderful people I've met in a long time. Aside from all of my Bloggy people of course, y'all are the bomb. Anyway, in two of my classes there happens to be one of "those girls", two kids but has the body like she had none, fake boobies, dark hair, blue eyes, you know the one. She's beautiful and just a bit goofy so you really can't hate her her for being beautiful. There also happens to be a good looking guy in the class as well (if you go in for the whole frat guy look, which I find a total turn off), they look good together. My point, finally I know, is that sitting in class one day my new friends and I were commenting on how chummy (slightly inappropriately) they had been in the class the night before. Kind of ore than massaging if you catch my drift, to each his own though, if you can get away with it and don't mind an audience I guess (kind of skeeved me out). Anywho, one of the girls made the remark that "we" had nothing on the gorgeous girl. I think I may have gotten whiplash with the incredulous look I gave her. Did she just say we? I'm not a "we", am I? Aww shit, when did I let that happen? How could I let that happen?
I used to be very pretty, like if I wasn't so ridiculously panicky in front of people I actually had a few offers to model. Some legit, some not so much, you know how it goes. What I'm saying is that when I was young I was "That Girl" minus the kids, and I had no idea that I was her. Part of me wishes I had, the other part is really really glad I didn't and that I avoided the inevitable chaos. Point being, how do I get just a little closer to "that girl", is it even possible or has my hayday passed me by.
Any of you other mommies and daddies out there struggle with this? Maybe that's why people have mid-life crisis stuff, maybe I'm having mine early. Hmmmm......doe that mean I can act like a child and do whatever I like? Probably not.....oh well, was a nice try.
PS. Please don't forget to mail me your suggestions for "Word a Week". Yes Cari, I promise "Bahookie" will be in there. :-) Cause it makes me giggle too.
Maybe you're too busy at the moment to make an effort to present your best front. You need every spare ounce of concentration to mother your little girl. As soon as you have the time, you'll be back--better than ever. Blog on!
ReplyDeletehttp://francene-wordstitcher.blogspot.com
I am very busy, but I think my goal is going to be to start paying a little bit more attention, and putting in a little extra effort for myself as well as my girl. I think I need it. Thank you so much for your kind words! Will be over to your blog as soon as I get caught up!!! Love the addy, wordstitcher sounds so cool!!
DeleteWe all do this. But I honestly think we only turn into "we" or "them" if we let ourselves.
ReplyDeleteYour heyday has NOT passed. It never does. Sometimes we just need to get over our perception of who we think we want to be and just be better at being who we are now.
WOW, well said, and taken to heart! I don't honestly ever want to become a "we", I just want to be me. I have been comfortable and confident in who I am for some time. I just think when she said it, it shook me up. That was the first time I had really ever been referred to as being maybe less than I thought I was. If that makes sense. I'm not full of myself, I never have been I just want to be happy. Thank you for your comment!!
DeleteOooo, like Daezarkian13's comment up there, that's spot on. Now, for a "here's what" lecture from your bloggy friend, Cari. Knock it off! I went through that phase too, but I think I was married at the time, which is beside the point. Married or not, we have those moments of, I do not even care right now. I have 2 out of 7 moments days like that a week. I'm talking minimalist. Now mind you I have barely any make-up on and a ponytail, naturally. I will walk by a mirror and do a doubletake, like an omg, who is that? Then I will scold myself for allowing myself to walk out of the house looking a hot mess. Most often, when I look in the mirror, I have some crazy adverse thing that anorexics have, instead of thinking I'm hideous, I think I'm gorgeous. This might be 87% of my problem, anyway. It's all within, doll. Smokin' hotness radiates, you have it within, you have it outwardly, you're beautiful. Embrace it in the sweatpants. I think the ladies still need to get out of the yoga pants and look cute, not for men, but for themselves. Proven fact somewhere, in some study, that a little lipgloss goes a long way. As for the "we", I do that to people all the time. Is that girl 36 that said that? Anyway, if you wanted frat boy, you'd have him, enough said. Okay, my novel...sorry. And woot to bahookie:)
ReplyDeletePreach on momma!! I am so happy I have you in my corner to keep me on the straight and narrow. ;-) I am generally a minimalist if for no other reason than it's easier and really the only person I have to impress is me. Perhaps that's part of the problem, I don't go anywhere, I don't meet people, there really is no reason for me to worry all that much if I bothered to draw my left eyebrow on (long story, hehe). I think I just miss feeling desired for some other reason than my momness, not that I don't treasure that feeling as well, because I so do. No I think she is a bit older than 36 and has been married for xxx amount of years. She is a wonderful person and honestly didn't mean anything by it, the other ladies in our little group are closer to her place in life, with hubbies and kiddies and all that. I'm like the Lone Ranger that they took in and mother. It's funny to be honest.
DeleteGirl no one wants or needs a Frat boy(well axcept for gorgeous goofy chick). I will take Maturity over *ahem* stamina any day of the week! ;-)
I started sliding down the same slope, but for other reasons. I write and work from home, so I have a lot of the hell with it moments when it comes to dressing up.
ReplyDeleteRecently, though, I decided to put up a bit more of an effort. It's nice, in a way.