Monday, April 9, 2012

Holidays are Hard and I'm a Hypocrite

First of all I would like to point out that I used not one, not two, but three words that start with the letter of the day. I'm doing the funky chicken as we speak, why you ask, because in my world, which is the coolest of all when it wants to be (other times it's a real bitch) that totally means I get a triple letter, triple word score worth at least 6,000 points (don't ask about my math, it's Angel's world and that's just how we do things here) which means I should totally get the next 4 or so days off, right? No? Well shit, if I'd have known that I wouldn't have thought all day on such a bomb diggity title. I went there.

Anywho, onward and upward with today's fabulous post. Holidays suck when you're single. And I don't mean mildly like "aww look what what's his nuts got what's her face. Wish I had someone like that". No no friends, I am talking the full on, maybe I should just take my kid and live in Siberialaska, all alone so I don't have to see shiny happy, loving, couples ever, ever again. Did I mention never ever. Oh and here's where the Hypocritical me comes out. I don't want to be in a relationship, I mean I know people say that but deep down they are all ooey gooey and just want that special someone to "complete them'. This is decidedly not me, trust me, when I say I don't want a relationship, I really and truly don't want a relationship. No kidding. I have known for a while that maybe, just maybe my OCD behind just isn't relationship compatible, maybe I missed an "I give a shit what you think" update along the line or something, who knows. What I do know is that for me to actually give a rats bahookie what you think, it takes work. Work that, honestly, not only do I not have time for but really just don't care to make the time for. So I am a hypocrite, I guess the first step is admitting you have a problem. I don't want to worry about someone's "feelings" or what they would think if I did whatever it is I'm planning on doing, which by the by I would probably do anyway because I am just that chick. On that note though, and this is quite possibly the most ridiculous feeling I have ever had, ever, I crave something that I don't even want. How messed up is that? To want someone to put you first and do special stuff for you, but at the same time just not want it at all. I kill me.

My dating ad would probably read something like this:

Wanted: Gorgeous, well-built man, 6'1 or taller. Dark hair, light eyes. Open to sleeping in a separate bed, because I don't particularly like to share my space. Sex when I want, if you bug me about it trust me I can go longer than you (and if your not a freaking stallion, don't even bother). If you're needy stop reading now, emotionally unstable you stop reading too (two emotionally unstable people together, bad combo). If you made it this far, hey good for you. Must have a car, a full time job, and seriously, no mommy or daddy issues - instant deal breaker. If you fit this, and I mean all of it, please call - 555-555-5555. If not oh well, maybe there's a clingy chick waiting by the phone for ya.

See what I mean, I'm better off just being single, I think it's safer for everyone. Hope you had a good Monday. Stay tuned for tomorrows A to Z Challenge post.....If I Ruled the World. Trust me you don't want to miss this one. :-)


  1. That is not a far fetched idea. I've written about being a hypocrite all the time. And I don't think it's being hypocritical, it is knowing EXACTLY what you want. Lemme break it down. You know all the things you don't want, and you don't want the crap that comes with most relationships and dudes, AND you don't need anyone to complete you (hate that crap). Sounds like you don't want a relationship with the wrong guy. IF and WHEN a guy comes along that meets all of those qualifications, you'll be ready for a relationship. And really, it's hard to see those lovey dovey couples because being single is lonely. Sure, sure we have friends, blah, blah, but sometimes it's damn lonely. And that's the part I think we yearn for, the companionship. Well at least me. Luckily I have some kick-ass girlfriends, like you, to help me maintain sanity. Girl, you are knocking my socks off with the posts. My "I" is about how I think I'm a pet psychic. Riveting.

  2. Your "I" rocked hard! Thank you for being my cheerleader through this, and so many other times when I have needed an understanding, non-judging ear. I just wonder if maybe I'm not meant for forever, I don't even date, I just don't tolerate idiots very well. LOL You want to cut a date short real fast, say something ridiculous. I am not a bag-lady, but I'm not getting any younger either. I AM getting pretty set in my ways though, especially post-kidlet, that's another date ad add-on, don't EVER yell at my kid, and damn sure don't ever put your hands on her. *Le Sigh* I think I should just start collecting cats now and save myself the trouble later. LMAO


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