I was having a conversation the other day with a truly delightful woman, several years my senior, about how different things are even since I was a child. The rash of teen pregnancies, drug use, gang violence, murders, and some other really yucky stuff that makes my heart hurt. She asked my opinion on how I thought on the issue of teens intentionally getting pregnant, or just flat out not having the knowledge to keep it from happening. I told her exactly what I thought, she asked my opinion after all, let's just say she was less than impressed. As I said she is roughly 80 so she grew up in a very different time, perhaps I should have little white lied it. My mom always tells me I am too blunt, I can't help it, I think I was born without that filter. Anyway, back to the matter at hand. She asked specifically if I knew how I would handle it with my own daughter later on down the line(she's only two, thankfully!). In no uncertain terms I told her I knew exactly how I would handle it, I will be talking to her regularly about sex and why she is worth not having sex with anyone, EVER. :-) No but seriously, we will not be having "the talk" just once, we will talk about it many times, and she will know that she can come to me. I also may have said something to the effect of, her first period or 15, whichever comes first, she will be on birth control.
At this point I am sure this woman is having a stroke, her face was pale and she was doing the "clutching her pearls" move.
Her: You are going to condone sexual activity!?!?!
Me: I did not say that.
Her (her voice is steadily rising in pitch): But putting her on birth control is basically giving her the go ahead.
Me (still quite calm): Umm no, that's not at all what it is, to me it is the smartest thing I could do. I was able to talk to my mother, I told her I thought I was ready and she took me that day to get birth control. I didn't have sex for some time after that, but if I had I wouldn't be risking pregnancy. I am not so gullible to think that if she is going to do it, no matter how closely I watch her, she will find a way.
Her: I...I just can't believe you are ok with this, that isn't right.
Me (getting a touch defensive): No, babies having babies is not right, making adult decisions without the proper knowledge to make those decisions is not right, not having an understanding ear to talk to is not right. Me being there for my girl is the most right thing in the world, and as I am her mother, I think the decision on how to raise her and when to discuss these thing is mine. But bet my girl doesn't have a baby in high school, making an already hard time in life almost impossible, thank you very much!
She left very shortly after that, I felt a tiny bit bad, but not really. I will do whatever I have to do to ensure that my daughter has the fullest, most enriched life filled with all possibilities for success that she can have, and while I understand babies are precious, believe me I love mine more than life, there is time for that.....Later.
What are your thoughts? Do you think I am being crazy, or too "progressive"? How will you be handling this when it comes, or how have you handled it already?
This was an A to Z Challenge post for C......stay tuned for more :-) Leave your link to your challenge posts too please, I would love to read them!!