Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Chasing Serenity - Because I Can

I am taking a break from the recent tone of posts I have been putting out. Not just on the blog, I'm taking a break from all of the stress and heavy crap that has been happening in the real world as well. I have been feeling overwhelmed and exhausted, and I have an announcement to make. I. Am. Done. I think with the dino-sized plate of crazy my life has been offering up lately it is the perfect time for the just becauses (yes I know becauses is not a word, I have my own dictionary). So I have spent the past couple days just becausing, and it has been great.

I spent Monday afternoon laying on the living room floor surrounded in crayons and 42 coloring books and one artsy little Lala. We colored for hours. We stopped for dinner, I just becaused our behinds down to Mickey D's, this may seem the norm, but me and my girl rarely eat out so Mickey D's for my French Fry girl is heavenly. :-) She got to play, and have Momma all to herself. I forgot the fracking camera so I don't have pics of our date, you will just have to trust me, it was great!

Tuesday after I got home from work, we got into our pj's and sat on our behinds watching Nick Jr. and ate cookies. By cookies I mean a few Tollhouse and the rest some whole wheat flower, cinnamon, snickerdoodly yummies that I made. Yes, I can bake, don't act so shocked. And yes there was healthy foods in there as well, I would never feed my child junk all day.

Thursday was my off day and I got to spend the whole day with my girl. Awesome! We ran errands, I let her "push" the cart, she felt like a big shot. :-) After we got everything done we went home and played with her ABC puzzle. It's basically big wooden letters that fit into the slots in the shape of the letter. The sites description of it is: Each piece is shown with a colorful picture that begins with that letter, and a full-color, matching letter is shown under each piece. It's called the Jumbo Abc Chunky Puzzle, Lala loves it! She can get all of them in all by herself, it has helped her with shape recognition and it helps me teach her the alphabet. I'm not being paid by these people, I just really love the Funky Monkey Toys store, they have some of the neatest stuff I have seen. I got my good friends daughter the cutest Three Little Pigs play set for her birthday. I am linking them for just in case you are looking for a unique un-Walmart like gift for someone. As I said they are not paying me, I just love this place and just found out they had an online site when I started this post. 

The rest of the week I had to work unexpectedly so my time with my girl was limited, which sucked. But the real world creeps in whether we want it to or not. We found out a week and a half ago that my Grandma had a spot on her lung, and as it turned out it was cancer in both of her lungs. My family has been in a state of chaos, with people coming in from out of town, visits to the hospital, and having to sanitize everything because my cousins boy came up with Strep. If you pray, please send up some love for my Grandma, Beema as the kids call her. She is spunky, and so full of life. I don't talk family here often but any prayers for her would be appreciated. She started Chemo-therapy today and I can only imagine what it must be like for her. Funny how something like this can pull a family together. The majority of my life was spent moving around, Air Force brat, so I haven't had strong ties with most of my family. Moving to Michigan and being so close to them has been a transition. I'm not good with people, holidays are difficult for me (social anxiety) and I think I haven't made the effort I should have to get to know this side (fathers family) of the family like I should have. I think the moral here is, don't wait until something bad happens to realize what you are missing out on. Every step of the way there have been texts sent out by the family, keeping everyone updated on what is going on, all of the texts I receive are from my dad, because very few other people in the family have my phone number. I never really thought about that until now, but it seems wrong now that I do. 

Anywho, there has been a lot of other stuff happening that I won't really get into now. A letter from SD came, he wants to be in Lala's life. I am trying to come to grips with it, my first instinct was to pack up all of my crap and run. There are places I could go, family who would love to have me. But then I think about my girl asking me in ten years why when her "father" asked to know her I didn't allow it. Then she hates me for doing what I thought was best. Can't have that. He won't be seeing her for some time, and I have set ground rules. So for now I am just trying to process, but I will write about it once I can wrap my own mind around what this will mean for her and I. 

I have a story bouncing banging around in my head right now, for the past two weeks actually. It continues to develop, and it's kind of giving me a headache to be honest. The characters never shut up, and it evolves continually, and I can't get it out. Every time I try to sit and write it down, the chaos of life bullies it's way in and I can't find the words. It's a frigging killer. I need to find a calm place and just spew words until my mind quiets. Hopefully soon.

Well happy Tuesday to you, hope you all have a great week!


  1. I read your story very nice and very hard work...

  2. Awesome the postings r too good ..

  3. Fantastic blog i am loving your blog thanks for sharing...


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