Monday, September 13, 2010

The Beginning(Part One): Backstory

There was a time, not so long ago, that I was a responsible adult. I had my own place, two puppies that I loved more than anything, and a job that was tolerable. I had been in the relationship I was in for about 4 years, and though I wasn't always sure where I stood in the relationship, most of the time things were good in our house and I loved him. I had taken a BIG chance, left everything I knew in Michigan, and made the trek to move in with my boyfriend in Ft. Wayne, Indiana.  Prior to us moving in together I got a puppy, or I guess a more accurate way of putting it is, I was there when the litter was born and he said I'm yours, like it or not. This pup, Aries, was my child, he was funny and even before he was definitively mine he would follow me everywhere. I couldn't even go to the bathroom without him or he would sit outside the door and yowl until I let him in. My boyfriend also got a pup(River) from the litter, they both lived with me for a while, and then River went to live with his daddy. Aries and I moved to Indiana shortly thereafter. I was so tired of the 3 hour commute. Having only lived with one other guy, like 7 years prior to this, I was terrified, but even with the fear of the unknown I still felt like it was the right move. So off I went, and for a while things went well, we fell into the comfortable rhythm of life together. I can honestly say I truly wish it had stayed that way.

My boys (the pups) had other ideas. The fighting didn't start for a bit, but once it got started it was like a snowball that just kept rolling and getting bigger and bigger. Aries, I admit, was spoiled beyond words. I gave him whatever he wanted, I know that sounds terrible, but he was more than my dog, he was my best friend. My furry, four-legged child. He was laid-back where River was extremely energetic, Aries was content to sleep with me all day where River bounced all over the house. They were different personalities, completely wonderful in their own special ways. There were times when they would play and then go take a dip in their little kiddie pool, getting along great. But as time passed those times grew slimmer and measures had to be taken to keep them from tearing each other up, we loved our boys and I truly don't think we could have gotten rid of either of them, not and not had resentment towards each other. Then again the things we had to do to curtail the fighting wasn't exactly conducive to a healthy relationship. The majority of the time he slept in the bed with River, and I slept on the couch with Aries . It sucked, we had to put a partition up between the living room and hallway.Admittedly Aries was the aggressor most of the time, I was his momma and he didn't share well. All of this stemming from the possessiveness that I believe had taken root long before it actually became visible. It had been just me and him for so long I am just not sure he knew how to adjust. Though knowing the problem and knowing how to fix it are two very different things. Identifying the problem wasn't going to solve my relationship issues, we needed a solution that neither one of us could find. The strain on our relationship, and the lack of intimacy(both physical and emotional), began to take its toll on our relationship. We were a sinking ship, neither of us knowing how to fix the leaky boat that had become our lives.

One evening the fighting had gotten particularly heated one evening. Honestly it wasn't surprising, our fighting had been steadily increasing in volume and severity for months. We had a pattern, we would argue, about the boys or work or any number of other things. Mostly the boys.We would get over it, even if it took a few days, and then we would go back to the beginning. Things would be good again, and would remind us why we were together. So often stress can cause you to forget all of the wonderful things about the person you love, and make you focus on the nit-picky crap. So we would fight, make up, and start over. This fight was different though, it felt different. This time there would be no sorrys, no I love you's, no going back. This fight would end with an ultimatum. I am still unsure if it was meant that way, or truly a misunderstanding. I wish I had stopped to ponder it at the time, things may be different now. The what-ifs are a killer.......

To be continued...........


  1. You have me totally waiting for the next segment...

  2. Ahhhhh, never worry about the what ifs. It's a waste of time and energy. Focus on the what is. Ever hear the old saying "If my aunt had Ummmmm (testicals), she'd be my uncle." Ok, well, it usually isn't said with the word testicals, but you get the point! LOL

    Can't wait for the rest of the story! Take a peek at mine here.

  3. Can't wait for the rest of the story and I'm hoping for a happy ending.


  4. I am very interested in what happens next!


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