I have been meaning to publish this post for a while, but writing it never seems to end. I have one of those mom's that even though they are a parent, they are still your best friend. You know, the kind of mom who does a burnout in a Ford Explorer filled with your friends to prove it can be done, because one of your idiot friends said it wasn't possible. Let me assure you, it is possible. Black smoke rolling off the tires, the whole shebang. My mom is amazing.
Adventures with Mom
I don't really know what it is about the Me and Mom combo, but when we go out it never fails to end in us laughing so hard we are crying. Us and Walmart? That is never a good idea. Here are is just one of our "misadventures". For now......
Walmart trip #1 (The fat lady didn't sing)
We had to go to Walmart for some reason or another, and as per the norm everyone else declined the invite to go. I volunteer to go so she doesn't have to go alone. We didn't even make it into the store before the shit hit the fan. We are rolling through the parking lot looking for the best possible spot, Walmart is, of course, packed. We see a spot, not just any spot, the golden right by the door spot. We maneuver into the lane with said woohoo spot, and get about halfway to it. There in the middle of the road (or whatever it is you call the space in between the rows of cars in a parking lot) is a huge lady and her equally huge sister/mother/friend (I don't know which it is, I didn't ask). Now we are at a crawl because these Sasquatches* are going nowhere fast. So my mom being who she is, honks and makes some snarky remark, that they heard..........and it's on. Humongo 1 looks at mom, and is of course closer to my side of the car, she starts cussing about how rude blah blah blah. Mom, not to be outdone, drops an f-bomb or two (which she never does) and they start going back and forth, I am for sure this lady is going to try to wedge herself into my window, this would spell trouble, because I am fairly sure it would cut off my oxygen supply, therefore I would suffocate and die. Seriously these two had the second biggest tata's I have ever seen, I know because I have met the woman with the guiness record holder for biggest tata's. She was nice, her boobies were yucky, just saying. So for sure these biggun's aren't coming in the window without some serious repercussions for me. I don't want to die, so I try and diffuse the situation. The lady is hollering that my mom could get her skinny a$$ out of the car anytime, and mom is yelling back that she will take them both. We're still moving forward as all of this is happening, to any passersby we probably looked like we had just been released from the insane asylum. Finally we make it to the parking spot. I know there is going to be an instant "misunderstanding", I mentally prepare, my adrenaline starts pumping (can't let mom get into a fight alone you know), get out of the car and................nothing. Those two biggies vanished, and I truly believe that that is a physical impossibility unless they were like sumo ninja's or something.
*I mean no offense, all things said on this blog are for entertainment purposes, even if it is only me being entertained. If there are hard feelings I will gladly send a written apology to the Sasquatch population of the world.