Tuesday, June 21, 2011

The Minefield of Single Parent Dating

My previous post was a lead up, of sorts, to this post. If you haven't read it you can find it here.

Being a single mom comes with it's own set of worries, and hardships.I am not saying it isn't all worth it, because it absolutely is, but to say that there isn't the occasional snafu, or odd moment where I want to pull my hair out in frustration would be a lie. I am also not saying that single parents are the only ones to experience these moments, I know that isn't true, everyone gets frustrated. This post is about the terrifying world of single parent dating. I have been doing a lot of talking about this subject with friends in real life and friends online. I think it is a great post topic, because it is something almost all single parents go through at one time or another.

There's a popular saying, "There's plenty of fish in the sea", and I hate it. Seriously. The people who utter these words are most likely happily in a relationship, you want to know why??? Because obviously they haven't been taking stock of said "fish" swimming around. Oh, it's slim pickings ladies, at least where I am. I am sure there are loads of wonderful men out there, my father is an amazing man, but I haven't had the pleasure of meeting any of them.

I have been on one date since becoming pregnant with my girl. It was in January, he didn't get to meet her, and it didn't make it to round two. My problem is trust. I don't really trust anyone to be around my girl. There are so many icky, messed up people in the world today. How are you supposed to be absolutely 100% for positive that you haven't met one that is just really good at hiding their blackness. I have met one or two, that had me fooled for a bit. It is scary, and I don't ever want to be responsible for bringing something bad into my girls life. You read all of these stories nowadays about the mom's who never suspected what was really going on. For real??? How do you not see what is happening to your baby? Baffling. I'm not judgy in any way, I'm really not, but I can tell you if La-la came and told me that so and so had put their hands on her in any way, I would be in jail. End of story. No one will ever be held higher than her, no ones word will ever be taken above hers.......ever. So, with all of that in mind, who do you date? I am not really sure of my character judging skills (blown up marriage and all) so I just don't date.

Then there is the time thing. Who has time to date? I don't. I work, I come home, and I am mom. I don't have a babysitter. My parents, brother, and sister-in-law watch La-la when I am not home. In fact, she will be 20 months in a few days and has never been watched by anyone other than those people. I realize I have some issues that probably need to be addressed at some point, but, who has time for that either. I don't go out without La-la, because honestly there really isn't anyone I prefer to spend time with than her. I also don't feel right about asking my family to watch her, "Hey, I know you watched her all day, but do you mind watching her while I go goof off for a bit", just feels wrong to me. I should be there to feed her, get her to bed, bathe her.

I'm not saying it wouldn't be nice to be able to trust someone, it would. A companion in life, to plan things with, to share my days with, would be great. Like I said in my last post, I long for someone to share my life with. I long for someone to be there to get excited with me when La-la does something fantastic, or funny. To kiss boo-boo's, or take her to the daddy-daughter dance. Those damn signs hurt my heart every time I see them. I worry that by not having a daddy, she is being deprived of things. I work hard, and I am a damn good mom, but there are some things that even I, Super-Mom, can't do. Like be daddy. I am a daddy's baby to my core, I'm not going to say I don't love that she is a momma's girl, because I so do. I feel ten feet tall, knowing I am her number one, and that no one can love her better or take my place in her heart. But someone to show her what a real man is, to teach her that there are good ones out there, that relationships can be full of joy if you find the right one, I would take that. Gladly. Someone to help me teach her that she deserves the best, in everything, and to not settle for less. I guess what I really want is for her to grow up knowing that true love is real, and to not be emotionally crippled just because I am, and because she didn't have the opportunity to see what a good, healthy relationship should be.

Enough rambling for now, hopefully I didn't bore you all to death, if I did I apologize. Hope you are all having a wonderful week!!

Disclaimer: These are my thoughts, not yours. I am not saying that this is how all single parents think, or that all two parent households are happier that way.  I am just saying how I feel, and do hope that in the process I have not offended anyone.

Keeping my eyes and heart open,


  1. Love the last line! I couldn't add anything more. Superb girl. And YES crap left in the sea.

  2. No boring involved here and no rambling either. It is so hard being a single parent and dating. Truthfully, I'm not sure what dating is these days. But work, a child ---wow
    you are right who has time to meet someone to date. Yes, I completely understand you wanting your girl to grow up understanding the kind of love you express. Trust in the Universe - everything comes to you when it is the right time.

  3. You couldn't be more right about the fish in the sea. The ones that are still swimming around are either gay or have a serious case of body odor!

    I'm a single mom myself, and I too, at first, wasn't too keen on entering the dating scene again after a failed marriage. Cheesy as this may sound, love does come when you least expect it. Somehow it has found me. I know we don't know the future, but we do need to take risks.

    You deserve the kind of happiness that your daughter can't give you. Try not to feel so guilty if and when you do decide to go out and have some adult fun.


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